Hard to believe that she really is so sick, I know!
There is a Taylor Swift song that says "I had the best day with you, today" that is how I felt yesterday as I sat with my sister Anne in the hospital. For days she has been unconcious and unable to speak. She is paralyzed on one side and now blind in her right eye. But as I walked in to her room for my short shift I found her sitting up laughing with 2 of my other sisters and my mom. All of us sat laughing, visiting and waiting for Ward, her husband, to arrive with the kids after back to school night. I sat with her Monday and Tuesday nights and got no reaction at all. I prayed that I might have just one more chance to have a conversation with her. I knew it was a selfish request and did not expect it to be granted. But last night there I was experiencing exactly what I had prayed for. It was a gift that I will cherish always.
She has had actively growing melanoma for the last 19 months and wrung through some of the roughest, most gruesome treatment imaginable in fighting to stay here on earth with her husband and 3 daughters.
Her rapid decline has been almost a shock for our family. She has been doing so good. Friday I talked with her as she ran errands getting her kids school clothes. Saturday she and her husband went on a date with some friends and had so much fun. Sunday at 5:30am she had something in her brain burst and bleed. It is unclear if it is a tumor or not. She is now rapidly declining and completely unconcious again with no hopes of waking up this time. She has said her good byes now. With each ring of the phone I wonder if it will be the news that she is gone.
Death is not an easy process and does take time. It does not scare me anymore. Elder Lance B Wickman said in an LDS General Conference address something that has changed my thinking, he said "grief is the natural by-product of love. One cannot selflessly love another person and not grieve at his suffering or eventual death. The only way to avoid the grief would be to not experience the love; and it is love that gives life its richness and meaning." Because I love Anne I will grieve intensely, but all my memories of her will be sweet and precious.
I know that through the blessings of the temple families can be eternal. I know soon she will be holding and loving my little Sarah and reminding her how much her mom loves her. I know that one day the 3 of us will hug again and that cancer will not be able to hurt us or cause us pain. How much I detest the vile word of cancer, and yet it has been my teacher these last 8 years. It has changed my soul for the better and made me more sympathetic, compassionate and humble bringing me closer to my Father in Heaven.
She has had actively growing melanoma for the last 19 months and wrung through some of the roughest, most gruesome treatment imaginable in fighting to stay here on earth with her husband and 3 daughters.
Her rapid decline has been almost a shock for our family. She has been doing so good. Friday I talked with her as she ran errands getting her kids school clothes. Saturday she and her husband went on a date with some friends and had so much fun. Sunday at 5:30am she had something in her brain burst and bleed. It is unclear if it is a tumor or not. She is now rapidly declining and completely unconcious again with no hopes of waking up this time. She has said her good byes now. With each ring of the phone I wonder if it will be the news that she is gone.
Death is not an easy process and does take time. It does not scare me anymore. Elder Lance B Wickman said in an LDS General Conference address something that has changed my thinking, he said "grief is the natural by-product of love. One cannot selflessly love another person and not grieve at his suffering or eventual death. The only way to avoid the grief would be to not experience the love; and it is love that gives life its richness and meaning." Because I love Anne I will grieve intensely, but all my memories of her will be sweet and precious.
I know that through the blessings of the temple families can be eternal. I know soon she will be holding and loving my little Sarah and reminding her how much her mom loves her. I know that one day the 3 of us will hug again and that cancer will not be able to hurt us or cause us pain. How much I detest the vile word of cancer, and yet it has been my teacher these last 8 years. It has changed my soul for the better and made me more sympathetic, compassionate and humble bringing me closer to my Father in Heaven.
(Can you believe that I posted soquickly after sending an email!)
Mary,
ReplyDeleteI love you! I can't imagine how hard it is watching our sweet Anne suffer so much. I am so thankful for that tender mercy of the Lord to give you girls some time with her. I am so thankful that you were willing to share a little of it with Natalie.
I know that you are all being very blessed with the spirit. Thank heaven for eternal families and the power of the priesthood that binds us together forever.
Thanks for your wonderful example-always!
Sending much love your way!
Marjean
Oh Mary - I wish that I could just reach through this computer and give you (and Anne) a hug. Thank you so much for the email and for your words. I needed a tissue for your email. Thank you for helping to arrange our little get together this summer. I didn't know at that time exactly how much that time together would mean to me. I am so grateful for that last chance to give Anne a hug and let her know what she means to me. I am so grateful for both of your examples. You both rank as heroes in my book. I know that both of you have taken adverse situations and helped others testimonies grow. I know that you have both changed many lives.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you had this last chance with Anne and shared it with all of us. You all look beautiful in this picture. Please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers every second of the day right now. Love you all so much!
Hi. You don't know me. I'm a writer friend of Anne's. I just had another friend refer me to your blog for an update on Anne, and I want to thank you--so much--for telling us a little more and for sharing some of your love for her with us.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me, but Becki C. told me about your blog. I've been eager for information on what happened and how she's doing--thank you so much for the update. My heart has been heavy these last few days. It is all just so very sad. Best wishes to you and your family--Anne told us once how many of your family members have suffered with some form of cancer, I honestly can't imagine that kind of refinement, but thank you for showing the rest of us how to do it, should we ever be called upon to carry such a burden.
ReplyDeleteMary-Thank you for your sweet words. I cried through the whole thing this is so difficult. We are thinking of you adn your family and praying for you. PS I really love the new family pictures. i can't believe how fast your kids have grown since the last picture. We love you so very much;)
ReplyDeleteI'm a friend of Anne's through writing group and know who you are because Alan's parents live in my ward. thank you so much for posting this blog. i have been anxious to know what's going on and what caused such a sudden change in her health. the pictures are beautiful. Anne is so amazing and will leave such a void but i love the thought of her being with your daughter - what a comforting thought! I am sorry you and your family once again have to experience such deep grief. please know that many of us share your sadness. Anne brought great insight to our writing group. we love her and will miss her so much.
ReplyDeleteMary, Kristen told me about the sudden change in Anne. I am so sorry that she must leave you and her family. I'm grateful that you are able to rely on the Lord as you once again go through this very difficult grieving process. I love you!
ReplyDelete